Thinking of You

I had to take a break from every social media outlet and blogging to deal with some personal issues. I’m slowly functioning back into society.

A week ago yesterday my life changed. My dad had to call 911 to take my mom to the hospital. She was having shortness of breath. Besides that, she’s been battling cancer for years. You wouldn’t know that because it’s not something I share openly, but at the moment I feel like I have to write this down.

Her cancer story began in 2006. She’d been having a hoarse voice for months. After allergies were ruled out by her primary care doctor when her voice didn’t get better with antibiotics, she went to see an ENT specialist. Eventually she was diagnosed with throat cancer and had to have her larynx (voice box) removed. The procedure left her with a stoma in her neck so that she could use a trach. The recovery process was a trying time for my family. I remember my mom being upset and mad all the time, most likely upset and frustrated by the whole thing. I was early on in college at the time, but hardly knew or understood what was going on because my parents never explained it to my sister and I (this became a common occurence). It was their way of protecting us perhaps.

A couple years later, she had a right breast mastectomy. After that she started seeing specialist after specialst to follow up on her cancer. Within the last year or so, there was a development in her health situation. In April, my mom started chemotherapy for lung cancer (nonsmoker just so everybody knows). I noticed no change after her first treatment. She was still strong, had no nausea and was able to cook dinner (with help from my sister and I), but after a while I saw her dwindling. She was losing weight, loss her apeptite to eat and became weaker. The last few months have been hard, but these past 8 days have been tougher.

As I mentioned earlier, there was a 911 call made last Wednesday. She was admitted to the hospital that same day and has been there since then. On Tuesday, she had an operation to remove fluids from her right lung. There were a few complications during the procedure, but thankfully she is still with us. However, my family and I were told her lungs do not look well. We’re awaiting to hear what the next steps are. For now, things look okay for she is alert (that’s all that matters at the moment).

I’ve had to deal with a lot of emotions lately and come to understand what the future may bring. I have seriously never cried so much in my life thus far. At the same time, I have to be a strong and supportive person for my father and younger sister. Of course, I’m there for my mom too. I’ve taken some time off from work to care for her and be at the hospital everyday to sit by her bedside. Please bear with me as I figure out my life and the future during this difficult time. I hope to blog again soon (maybe you’ll catch me on instagram and twitter for now).

xoxo
Jessica

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